Can somebody please tell Joe Torre to just shut up about the Yankees already?

It's funny. Joe Torre accused Alex Rodriguez of wanting to be the center of attention with the Yankees, but if there is anybody who constantly seeks the spotlight, it's St. Joe himself. And it - shocker - usually involves talking about his old team, instead of his new team.

And as long as he's going to keep on yakking about the Yankees, I'm going to keep on proving the disingenuousness of his comments. Like yesterday, when Joe talked about the Bombers before last night's Dodgers' game. He told reporters that he still follows - and roots for - the Yankees:

“I have to pull for them. People think because you leave the Yankees and supposedly you’re unhappy with each other that you’re supposed to pull against them."

Supposedly unhappy, Joe? Really? You're the one who called a $5 million contract offer (with an additional $3 milion in incentives) "an insult." You're the one who wrote a tell-all book on the Yankees, betraying clubhouse confidences.

But hey, it's not like anybody else is going to call you on this. After all, you wrote that David Wells was a bad influence on Sidney Ponson in the Yankee clubhouse, even though the two pitchers were never even teammates. And nobody ever asked you about this egregious error.

Teflon Torre also said:

"But I can’t pull against the individuals over there, least of all Girardi who played for me, coached for me. I recommended him when he had his first managing job. This kid is going to be one of the top managers. This I know is a dream job for him and I’m glad things are getting better for him."

This "kid" is 44 years old. 44 isn't a kid anymore. And it's condescending for you, Joe, to call him that. When you were 37 years old and managing the Mets, would you have liked it if somebody called you a kid? No, I think you would have given that infamous Torre glare over that.

As for not being able to "pull against the individuals over there," you did it with A-Rod, when he was on your own team! And Johnny Damon, and any other player who didn't fit into your little four-rings clique. Spare me the sanctimony, please. And just shut up about the Yankees already (Mike and Mike ought to give you their Just Shut Up award!) I'll stop complaining about you when you stop talking about the Yanks. Deal?

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I was reminded of St. Joe's last "triumph" as a Yankee last night with all the bugs in Cleveland. And with Fausto Carmona pitching against the Yanks - and losing.

What was up with the non-reception for CC Sabathia? It was like he was just any other pitcher, not somebody who once starred for Cleveland. I'm glad he won, and I was hoping CC would have a no-hitter last night, but it was not to be. At least Michael Kay didn't jinx it, though!

There were still a lot of bugs in that ballpark - and seagulls. Maybe it's because "The Birds" traumatized me when I was a kid, but all those birds flapping their wings really freaked me out last night!

Speaking of CC, John Flaherty said the pitcher spent in the five figures to take his teammates to that Cavs game. That's something.

The Yanks are on a roll, but they had better beat Carl Pavano today. That is all.

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Joe Torre can't even get his story straight in his own book

Squawker Jon, I will announce later on this morning who I'm rooting for in your Mets-Red Sox series this weekend. Have to keep our readers coming back for more!

But in the meantime, I have to chastise your team for letting themselves get swept by the Dodgers this week. Even the usually-snoozing Joe Torre roused himself out of a nap to notice that Ryan Church didn't touch third base. Torre went out onto the field and argued about it and everything. Imagine if he had done the same during the Bug Game when Joba Chamberlain was literally screaming, "I can't see"!

And your team couldn't even knock around Jeff Weaver! I don't want to go all Steve Phillips on you, but what's wrong with the Mets?

Anyhow, I wonder how that Torre-Weaver thing is going, given the negative things Torre said about him in "The Yankee Years." I also wonder if Weaver, or for that matter, David Wells, noticed this passage from the book. On Page 49 of "The Yankee Years," Torre complained about David Wells being a bad influence on Weaver:

[Wells] can be an engaging personality, and then there are times as a manager where you could hate his guts. He'd go out there and I'd watch his body language, and I'd watch Jeff Weaver and I'd watch Sidney Ponson, those are two guys who gravitated toward him, and I saw the same things. 'Woe is me.' It drove you nuts.

Wow, Wells' bad influence is amazing. Especially given that he and Sidney Ponson were never teammates. Ponson didn't join the Yankees until 2006, three seasons after Wells was off the team. You gotta love Joe's attention to detail there.

Torre also botched the name of the Yankee who got the game-winning hit in Game 1 of the 2000 World Series. Not one, not twice, but three different times in the book, the player is named Luis Vizcaino, not Jose Vizcaino. Luis, a pitcher, didn't play for the Yankees until 2007. Maybe this error explains why Torre overworked Luis Vizcaino so much in the bullpen that year - he thought he could get some of that old World Series magic!

In addition to these sloppy errors in "The Yankee Years," Torre still tries to justify pitching Weaver in extra innings in the 2003 World Series. From Page 234:

"I had no options," Torre said. "People say bring in Mariano. I had no options. It was an extra-inning game on the road. There was never any consideration of other options. I never was between anybody, I know that...."

Yeah, it's a tough choice. Who do you pitch in a World Series game - the greatest closer of all time, or Jeff Weaver? Then again, this is Joe Torre we're talking about, the guy who spends most of "The Yankee Years" complaining of the horrible burden of having the best player in baseball on his team!

Torre also said this about Weaver:

"People were basing their criticism of him in Game 4 on what happened before, when he was bad. But we finally got him to the point where he was controlling his emotions better. But the result reverted to what he was before, so people say, "It's the same old guy."

This is just nonsense. Torre hadn't had Weaver pitch in 28 days. He thought so little of his abilities that he never used Weaver in the entire postseason until Game 4 of the World Series. Six years later, the wrongheadedness of this decision still boggles my mind.

But that's Teflon Torre - he's completely incapable of ever acknowledging that he did anything wrong. Just this week, he refused to acknowledge any culpability regarding Scott Proctor. Torre overworked Proctor so much with both the Yankees and the Dodgers, that Proctor had to get season-ending elbow surgery this week. Torre's overwork of Proctor was so legendary, a Yankee fan site called Scott Proctor's Arm was named after it!

But does St. Joe regret what he did to Proctor? Of course not. Torre told the South Florida Sun-Sentinel this week:

"There's playing hurt, and then there's playing stupid," Torre said. "It doesn't have anything to do with someone's intelligence. If you can endure pain and still are able to do what you do, that's one thing."

"If you're willing to play, which means you certainly are brave, but you can't be the player that you need to be, then it's not very smart to do for your own health, and you're not helping the team either," Torre said.

You'd think Torre would have realized he was overworking Proctor after the time the pitcher set his equipment on fire after a loss. But maybe that's just me.

Torre continued:

"He doesn't know what hurt is," Torre said. "The dumbest question I could ask him was: 'Are you OK?' Because I knew what the answer was going to be."

Then why did Torre keep on pitching him, when he knew this about Proctor?

Of course, expecting anybody to actually ask Torre a tough question on this is a futile endeavor. He's got four rings, after all!

And we only have one year until Teflon Torre's triumphant return to the Bronx, when the Dodgers play the Yankees in interleague play. Jeez, I just can't wait.

What do you think about Joe Torre? Tell us about it!

Positively Swishalicious! Yanks win eighth in a row on back-to-back-to-back homers

Lots of nice moments yesterday at the Stadium, and the Yankees seem to have found a partial solution to filling up those empty seats.

First up, the game. Squawker reader The Emperor said that John Sterling exclaimed, "Positively Swishalicious" over Nick Swisher's homer. And yes, he went there - he did do a back-to-back-to-back and belly-to-belly-belly call! And the other night, Sterling had the stellar call, "Two and two for Swisharoo." Heh.

Swisher, who has been slumping as of late, finally got his first homer at the new Stadium. I wonder if honorary bat girl Polly Tompkins, the schoolteacher fighting Stage 4 cancer who got to throw out the first pitch, brought him good luck with her cheerful attitude. They seemed to have bonded, hugging after the game. Bryan Hoch of yankees.com wrote a very touching story on Tompkins - click here to read it.

Phil Hughes made it harder for the Yanks to send him down to the minors with his nine-strikeout win. I think the Yanks should keep him up for a while as a long reliever - I'm not sold that Chien-Ming Wang is ready just yet.

Oh, snap! Johnny Damon seemed to call out Joe Torre, saying about how "family-oriented" Joe Girardi runs his clubhouse, suggesting that's why this year's free agents came to play in the Bronx. I don't think that's the case - I think the $423 million the Yanks spent had a bit more to do with it. But I guess Damon couldn't say, "Girardi actually pays attention to players besides the four rings guys," or "Hey, I don't have to worry that Girardi is going to sell me out in a tell-all book."

And somebody in the front office seems to have gotten a clue. Instead of shunting the servicemen and servicewomen in town for Fleet Week to the obstructed view bleacher seats, the way the Yanks did with the West Point cadets on Opening Day, the Yanks put them in the Legends seats right up front. Cool!

Only thing I didn't like about last night's game was Mariano Rivera pitching the ninth. I had no problem with Girardi bringing in Mo in the eighth to shut down the O's. But after the Yanks scored six runs at the end of the inning, Mariano should have been out of the game. Getting him the save isn't worth him pitching the ninth, even if he did throw only 14 pitches in the game.

Speaking of Rivera, I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall at the Yankees' first Kangaroo Court since 2005. He was the judge, A. J. Burnett, Johnny Damon, and Derek Jeter were the jury, and Xavier Nady was the court stenographer. Sounds like it was great fun. I think Brian Bruney should have been the bailiff.

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In honor of the Yanks winning eight in a row, here's a classic video about the number eight. It's Sesame Street's Jazzy Spies segment, featuring Grace Slick on vocals. Yes, Grace Slick. It's like having Amy Winehouse on Barney and Friends or something! Anyhow, the tribute to No. 8 is from early 1969, back when Oscar the Grouch was orange. It

And for Mets fans, click here to check out the day when Keith Hernandez and Mookie Wilson made a cameo on Sesame Street. They told Ernie to put down the duckie. Good advice!

Ronan Tynan calls Joe Torre a 'clown'

Joe Torre had all sorts of catty things to say in "The Yankee Years" about way too many people. Now one of his targets is fighting back.

In "The Yankee Years," Torre griped about George Steinbrenner not giving Yankee scouts rings after the 2000 World Series. The book claims that scouts were angry when "they heard or saw Steinbrenner cronies such as actor Billy Crystal and singer Ronan Tynan wearing World Series rings."

The new web site Irish Central.com asked Tynan about this tidbit. And the Irish tenor wasn't exactly pleased. He called Torre a "clown" and said he was "surprised" that his name was brought up in this dispute.

Tynan also defended Steinbrenner, saying that The Boss "is passionate" and "loved to win." "If you were part of it he included you," Tynan said, "if he thought you were part of the win." Click here to read more about what the singer had to say.

I don't know why Torre felt the need to dis Tynan, who has helped contribute to Yankee pride and tradition over the years with his seventh-inning rendition of "God Bless America." Not to mention that opponents complained that the version was so long, that it messed up their team's groove!

However, I do know that to call Billy Crystal just a Steinbrenner crony is laughable, especially given that it was Torre, not The Boss, who asked Crystal to do a video for the team before the 2007 playoffs.

Besides, if Joe was so bent out of shape over the ring issue, why didn't he threaten to quit, or take it to the press, or do something about it himself at the time, instead of sniping in his book eight years later. Not exactly a profile in courage.

On another note, Happy St. Patrick's Day, everyone!

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