The lost Taco Bell ad with Jerry Manuel and Francisco Rodriguez

Inside a Taco Bell, JERRY MANUEL walks up to a CUSTOMER staring at his chalupa.

MANUEL

You're done, kid. You're slower than John Maine.

Manuel touches his left arm. The customer gets up and Manuel slaps him on the butt.

PEDRO FELICIANO walks over. He has put on a lot of weight.

FELICIANO

Skip, I don't feel too good.

CUSTOMER

This is what happens when you make him help finish a chalupa every day.

MANUEL
Fine, I'll just go to my closer.

Manuel slaps Feliciano on the butt. He touches his right arm.

As FRANCISCO RODRIGUEZ walks toward the chalupa, he passes the exiting customer.

CUSTOMER
Let's see if you can have a good outing for a change.

RODRIGUEZ
Excuse me?

CUSTOMER
You heard me.

The customer and Rodriguez start shoving each other. Rodriguez slips and falls, slamming his jaw on the corner of a table.

CUT TO:

Rodriguez sits glumly. His jaw is wired shut.

Trainer RAY RAMIREZ turns to Manuel.

RAMIREZ
I’m afraid he won’t be finishing any chalupas the rest of the season.

Manuel throws his hands in the air. OLIVER PEREZ approaches the chalupa.

Manuel slaps Ramirez on the butt.

RAMIREZ
Aren’t you supposed to slap Frankie?

MANUEL
You think I'm laying a hand on him?

Perez picks up the chalupa, cardboard packaging and all, and starts to put the whole thing in his mouth.

MANUEL
You're not supposed to eat the cardboard.

Perez takes the chalupa out of the box. But as he brings it to his face, he misses his mouth and the chalupa flies out of his hands and up in the air.

LUIS CASTILLO settles under the flying chalupa. It lands in his hands, then bounces out and hits the floor, splattering everyone with ground beef, nacho cheese, bits of taco shell and toppings.

At a nearby table, JEFF WILPON turns to SANDY ALDERSON.

WILPON
All right, Sandy - think you can clean up this mess?

Why I don't like the Joe Girardi/Mariano Rivera Taco Bell commercial

I wrote a piece for The Faster Times unfavorably comparing Joe Girardi's bullpen decision's to Bruce Bochy's. I closed it by wondering why Girardi was so willing to go to Mariano Rivera in that ubiquitous Taco Bell commercial, but not in the postseason!

I know some Yankee fans who liked the Taco Bell ad, but I'm not one of them. It's not just that they played it about a gazillion times during the postseason. It's not just that I don't like seeing the greatest closer of all time lowering himself to be in a fast food commercial. It's that the commercial makes zero sense.

First off, the guy eating the XXL Chalupa who sighs, "I can barely finish it," hasn't even started eating it. There's not one bite missing from the chalupa!

Then, there's Girardi being so eager to get Mo to finish that uneaten chalupa. What's up with that? Can't Mariano buy his own fast food? Why does he have to dumpster dive from someone else's meal?

Besides, if I'm thinking of a Yankee who would finish somebody else's din-din, it wouldn't be Mo, the thinnest guy on the team. It would be CC Sabathia. But he's in the Subway commercial instead! How does that work?

Mariano is no actor, but Girardi isn't half-bad. However, it's a little disconcerting the way Joe smacks the customer's butt so enthusiastically!

I do like one thing in the ad: when the guy who just had his food stolen from him just mumbles, "Mo."